Softie or Just a Sucker?

Love and compassion may be a gift, however; if one has too much can take you apart, one piece at a time.

The latest piece was chipped off when I read about "KYE" the Oklahoma Police (canine) that defended his partner and in return was stabbed to death.

Please don't tell me it is just a dog, this won't help.

I am still wallowing in pain just thinking about it.  On June 14th, I had to put down my beloved Great Pyrenees, "Pepe."  Pepe spent 11.5 years as my constant companion, confidante, He was at my side for surgeries, a separation, when my children left for college.  He asked nothing but a bowl of dry food in return, and a hug or two during the day.

I still mourn the loss.

Right before Pepe went to the "Bridge" I welcomed a two-month old Newfoundland puppy, "Magie Noire" to the household.

While Pepe loved her, she is a handful.  besides downing a bottle of -amoxicillin and on another occasion, Gloucosomine-  She  destroyed my coffee table, blinds and has turned white walls black. My carpets were replaced with laminate, as there wasn't an inch that hadn't been christened!

She will be a year on September 14th, and she is still a terror.

I guess I can actually Blame a bit of the drain on her, can't I?

As a child, my mother accused me of dragging in every stray cat and dog home for dinner.  Earlier on, I can remember a playmate coming over to the house for just a piece of sugar and bread. it seems I am a magnet to the homeless and hurting souls with whom I come in contact.

I probably am guilty of living in the past, feeling a bit too sorry for myself at times.  Which is why I have neglected my blog for almost a year.  I can't force myself to produce or act if the inspiration or motivation isn't there.

I am not sure if compassion drains you or makes you.  I am not convinced it is a gift.  Maybe i have been too self-centered.  To focused on the "me" instead of reaching out to help others.  It is just that I get so drained, I can't act.

Medication doesn't help all that much.  I think I have addressed and dressed down every issue to get back on tract.

My twitter followers (though a humble group) have been cut in half.

Know this: I am working to gain my ground back, and am looking forward to good things for 2015.

Is it really almost time for Christmas again? Oh this is my most vulnerable time of the year.

I will have to stop myself for looking for love in all the wrong places.